I Want
by PennyForTheGuy
Summary: Dreams and memories torment Lucien as work on the Spire begins, and he tries to soothe his pangs with another living person.


I Want….

Lucien's fingers strayed from the small waist they had been encircling to cup a pert breast. Helena had fallen asleep long before him, and he realized this would be another night when his mind decided sleep was not necessary. Helena took a deeper breath and sighed as she slept, her chest's movement causing his hand to fill even more with that soft breast. His body was beginning to react but he felt guilty waking her up and robbing her of rest.

He tried to limit him self as best he could only tracing a nipple or running his lips over her neck, even a soft kiss would wake her. Eventually his desires got the best of him and his hand slowly traveled down her soft belly and caressed her sex as lightly as could be. Even in deep sleep she reacted to him, her legs clenching together, trying to trap his hand. Still he did not what her to wake and pulled his teasing fingers away to claim her breast again.

Fantasies of lustful moans and heated embraces filled his mind's eye, he licked his lips feeling his body grow stiffer as he let his thoughts wander. He buried his nose in her long hair and tried to clear his head but it was folly. Helena moved in her sleep and the small of her back collided with him creating sweet friction. He grunted, wondering whether he should wake her with his ministrations or keep behaving himself and wait till she woke at dawn. He wondered if he'd last that long.

He bit his lip as the tiniest movements from either of them began to drive him mad and his fingers squeezed her breast a little harder. He lowered his mouth to her neck again but did not kiss it, only kept his lips pressed to her flesh. She moved again, adjusting herself to get more pillow under head, causing his own flesh to slip lower, just between her legs. Lucien grunted and shuddered, regretting letting his hand cup her breast to begin with, he should have kept those fingers at her waist and let sleep take him.

"Well?" Helena said in her soft voice.

Lucien gasped as she maneuvered her legs to catch him.

"When… did you, wake?" his voice was tight and strained.

"When you decided to tease my sex. I told you not do try to do that, just give in let us both have some fun."

Lucien grinned and began pulling up their loose cotton night shirts.

Lucien woke with a start, painfully swollen and very alone. He grimaced as he sat up, the rough sheets making everything worse. The dream was still hanging about him, swimming through his head, the memories of those love filled nights still called to him. He employed the methods he'd learned through many lonely nights, sit up, breath deep, calm down, realize there is no one there. Finally the tightness began to ease and his whole body relaxed again and as his lust fell away the omnipresent sadness came to the forefront.

He lifted his hands to his face and hid behind them. This was what he hated most, waking up like this, filled with desire and longing, lying in an empty bed. Sometimes he seriously considered choosing a bed warmer; just someone to sleep beside him so he could sate himself for once. But sooner or later he'd see the wedding ring flash on his finger and he felt a stab of guilt. Helena was gone forever but it still felt like betrayal to bed another. But maybe tonight he should make an exception, his body still ached and begged for pleasure and release. The more he thought about it the more he craved an encounter with a woman, one that would leave him sweating, exhausted, and nearly delirious with primal pleasure. He growled and picked himself off his pallet and hastily dressed himself, leaving his tent behind. He'd retired early and excavation was still going on, he prowled the dig site just waiting to bump into one of the few females under his employ.

Finally he spotted a young girl, covered in dirt and dressed in near rags, her long hair beginning to matte. She looked nothing like his fair, delicate, poised Helena and that was what he wanted. He donned a dashing smile and approached her, keeping his back straight but bowing his head. His noble charm and offer of a meal and rest was more than enough to get her to trail after to him.

True to his word he let her help herself to the food he barely touched, paltry by the standards of his upbringing but a royal feast for her. The girl quickly became quite bubbly and talkative, yet another great difference between her and his wife. As she spoke Lucien knelt down in front of her and stopped her mouth with a long kiss. When his lips left hers she got a look in her eyes, like she had expected this and would concede to it, but did not entirely want it.

He didn't really blame her. His once beautiful dark hair had quickly gone gray and was now almost bone white, the dark circles that were always about his eyes had become discolored bags, his cheeks had hollowed out and even in body he was beginning to look like a walking corpse. Yet even as his physical beauty faded he still had wealth, charisma, and prominence to make him attractive. He placed his hands on either side of her face and kissed her again, she opened her mouth and let him slip his tongue in, and he felt part of his sorrow melt away feeling that warmth.

Greed suddenly took hold, he was tired of sadness and wanted the comfort this warm body could offer. His hands strayed down to her corset and tugged at it, searching desperately for the pins and ties that held it around her meager frame. She helped him, guiding him, letting him practically tear her shirt and corset away. His plundering mouth slipped down her neck leaving large bite marks, finally coming to a nipple, he relished the every touch and feel of the woman's body. He picked her up off the chair and swung her around to the pallet and climbed on top of her, his breathing getting almost raspy.

He pulled her dirty skirts up and stroked her inner thighs hoping she'd moan or clench the sheets on fists but she just lay still letting him have his way. For a few minutes he tried every little trick he knew, everything that used to drive Helena wild but nothing seemed to please this girl. He wondered off handedly how many men she'd had to lie with to get this desensitized as he loosened his belt. He bent over her and sucked at a breast again, grunting as he felt his aching flesh meet with hers.

Then, without warning or reason, he failed. His flesh fell limp, and he simply remained frozen in shock for several long moments. At first he tried to re-excite himself, kissing her with even greater fervor and grinding hips together, even having her touch and stroke him but nothing worked. He lifted himself off her and redid his clothes, telling her she could stay if she liked but he had no need of her. She looked at him with a great deal of pity and dressed herself, exiting the tent surely to return to work.

Lucien collapsed on the pallet, cursing himself for the last bit of comfort that might have been left to him. Even his body only wanted Helena and he could swear he heard her laughing at him, pleased with the vengeance she had dished out to a husband who had tried to be unfaithful. And he deserved it, he'd become little more than rich wretch with nothing left to do in life than take his own vengeance. Lucien slowly curled up into a near fetal state as his thoughts of sorrow, grief, anger, rancor, fear and crushing loneliness devoured him.

He wanted to build the Spire, he wanted to harness its power and finally, finally be rid of this disgusting, ugly, completely corrupt world. He gnashed his teeth and bit his lips so hard they bled. Suddenly the sound of heavy footsteps coming towards his tent caused him to jump up and wipe the blood from his mouth and through up the shields of noble poise and haughtiness.

Garth stepped inside, his deep tones relaying a recent discovery, the ruins of a series of platforms that made up the heart of the spire, Lucien grinned savagely as Garth spoke, making the mage cringe a bit. Lucien was getting more unhinged every day.


End file.
